


Mulled Apple Juice

by Morethancupcake



Series: Honey and Butter [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholic Dean, Alternate Universe, Autistic Castiel, Christmas Angst, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Family Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Photographer Castiel, Protective Gabriel, Protective Siblings, Recovery, Sibling fights, winchester family drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9051370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "Their new relationship is fragile, like a newborn, like a tiny grass sprouting through the moss. Dean holds Castiel's hands between his own, and he kisses them softly, he brushes them, scared to spook him. Castiel isn't sure it's a good idea to try again, but he knows he can't not try."Castiel and Dean first Christmas as a couple, trying to build a new life together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays !! 
> 
> A tiny timestamp to celebrate this holiday season. A lot of you asked for a new story in the verse, so there it is. Someone specifically asked to see more of the early stage of their relationship, when things were still a little new and fresh, so there you go !
> 
> There was close to no edit to this, no beta whatsoever, so please remember English isn't my first language AND I'm now in a food coma, and please don't yell at me for all the typos.

"It's just... he's so frustrating sometimes."

Sam plays with his spoon, the sound of the metal on porcelain soothing, in an odd way. He's sulking, his hair hiding his eyes, his shoulders down. Castiel doesn't like to see him sad, or hurt. But between another fight between the siblings, there's nothing he can do, really. He puts the kettle on the stove, and rinces the teapot, waiting.

"And I get it, he's not good at it. The whole emotion thing, it's not his forte, I get it. But he's just so... stubborn sometimes. Like he wants to make it difficult."

Castiel knows the words are hollow. He knows Sam doesn't believe it, really. He has a brother.

He reaches for the honey.

 

Sam leaves around five, a little less grumpy, a lot more tired. Castiel hugs him, and make him promise to call and keep in touch. 

When he closes the door, he knows he'll miss him.

But not as much as he'll miss Dean.

 

Their new relationship is fragile, like a newborn, like a tiny grass sprouting through the moss. Dean holds Castiel's hands between his own, and he kisses them softly, he brushes them, scared to spook him.

Castiel isn't sure it's a good idea to try again, but he knows he can't not try.

 

Dean had kissed his cheek before leaving, the snow heavy between them, making them blink, and hurrying their goodbyes.

And Castiel knows Dean and Sam are happy. He knows about the Christmases with their Uncle Bobby Singer. He's not upset to see them go, but he feels robbed, when Dean slams the Impala door and drives away.

"I'll call you when we get there." Dean said, eyes focused on the snow around them. "I'll try to call you on Christmas Eve, too, before everyone arrives... not sure how it'll go after, though."

Dean is still unsure about this, Castiel knows. Still scared about this season without any alcohol, still scared about this new life fitting with the old.

"I'll miss you, Dean." Castiel isn't sure if he's allowed to reach for Dean's hands, but they wrap around his, fingers slotting perfectly, and Dean seems to relax for the first time since he arrived this afternoon, to help him wrap the big bag of gifts hidden in his lab. "But I'll be with Balthazar, and Gabriel. I'll be fine, so you shouldn't worry about me."

"I always worry about you." It's shy, and grumbly, and Cas kisses Dean's cheek, too, making him blush, because this is new, the easy words, the warm eyes, here in the open, where everyone can see.

 

Castiel wraps it around his heart when Dean drives away.

 

\- Did you remember to bring enough clothes ? -

Castiel reads the message, puzzled, and suddenly his phone buzzes again, several times.

\- Don't let Gabriel bully you, okay ? -  
\- I know you're a grown man, but well, I know how big brothers are, Sammy is still pissed at me -  
\- I miss you, that's all -  
\- I miss you Cas -

 

Castiel smiles and answers back. Something simple, he knows Dean probably feels embarassed enough now, he doesn't need coddling or anyone fussing around him.

 

Balthazar is in charge of most of the cooking, and the house already smells like the wonderful cheesy potato dish Castiel requests every year. Castiel helps around, washes the vegetables, takes care of the condiments. It's not like he's bad in the kitchen, but soon enough he loses focus, and he finds himself sapping pictures of the counters, of Balthazar's hands, mixing things into big bowls, making magic.

"I should take more picture of you." Castiel manages to get the soft smile, and the surprised eyes. "You are very handsome."

"Well, thank you, dove." Balthazar pushes his glasses back and there's a tiny but of dough stuck on the bridge of his nose. It takes a few seconds for Castiel to realize it doesn't annoy him, anymore. The mess, the butter getting on everything. It's just fun, it's just life.

 

Gabriel arrives late, because even if he's the boss, he believes in letting everyone go early, and the drive to Balthazar's home takes him almost an hour from the shop.

He's a little red because of the cold, and he carries bags and bags of gifts and food and sweets. 

He yells around, and makes Balthazar laughs, and Castiel watches them together and feels happy. Content.

 

\- I wish I could've stayed home. -

 

Dean sounds tired, when Castiel calls. Tired enough that all the alarms ring in Castiel's head, and he rushes to talk to him in private, his coat askew, his hat forgotten.

"It's just... they don't get it." Dean sounds like a little kid, and Castiel can almost see it, a younger Dean, pouty lip and wobbly chin, and it makes him want to cry, too. "Sam and Bobby told them not to bring booze, but they did it anyway, and now Sam's pissed at me."

"Are you sure, Dean ?" Castiel wants to reach through the phone. He wants to shelter Dean, his Dean, from anything that could hurt him. Outside, everything os frozen cold, stiff, silent.

"No. Dunno." Castiel is pretty sure he's crying, now. "I just wanted to spend Christmas in peace, but now Jo and Ellen and Ash are here, and everything smells like rum, and I just want a fucking drink."

"Dean..." Castiel forces himself to breathe. To be strong. For Dean, he can be strong. "Do you ? Really ?"

"No. No, I don't."

"You should go find Sam. Tell him how you feel. For me, Dean. Please ?"

Dean promises, but Castiel sends a warning to Sam anyway. 

 

The Christmas tree looks beautiful, and everything looks perfect, from where he stands. Inside he can see Gabriel and Balthazar working. He feels safe. Lucky.

 

"How do you know he's not just playing you ?" Gabriel is still pretty upset at Dean. He's mad, and it makes Castiel feel uneasy. He doesn't want to pick sides, especially since Gabriel is fighting for him, but Dean needs him, and it makes him shiver a little. He doesn't like the confusion, the hard edge in Gabriel's eyes.

"He's not, Gabriel. Please."

"I just want to ask. He's good at asking you for things. But does he really love you, or just the idea of you making things easy for him ?" Castiel frowns and slowly starts to get the ingredients for the vinaigrette ready. 

"It's not like that. He's doing better, and he cares for me. Just like I care for him."

"How can you be sure ? How can you know ? You're not the best at ready people, Cassie."

It hurts. It hurts, when Gabriel hints he's not normal, he's not good at things people can do without thinking. And he wants to tell him, to stop, but he knows Gabriel will just take it as another proof he's not ready to date Dean, he's not ready to call Dean his.

He thinks about it. About the texts in the morning, Dean still soft and sleepy wishing him a good morning. He thinks about Dean's smile, sky and hesitant when he reaches for his hand in line for their usual pizza and movie. He thinks about Dean's own scarf aroun his neck still warm and smelling like him. He thinks about Dean's little attentions, the cabinet door he fixed, the tiny flowers he picks on his way, the laundry he does without even blinking or making Castiel feels inadequate or stupid for forgetting.

 

"When I told you to make yourself comfortable and at home, I didn't mean to bring the childhood fights with you." 

Balthazar puts a cup of warm apple juice in front of Castiel, and kisses his forehead softly. Castiel knows he's shielding him from Gabriel's gaze, and he wipes at his tears, taking a drink from his mug, the wonderful blend of spices and sweetness immediately making him feel better.

"Lover-boy called, and suddenly Christmas is canceled." Castiel feels rage pooling in his gut, because Gabriel is being ufair, so unfair, to him, of course, but to Dean, who did nothing to deserve it.

"Dove ?" Balthazar cups the back of his head, and searches his eyes. "What's wrong ?"

And that's why he loves Balthazar. Because even now, now that they're not a couple, Balthazar still looks at him with love, and warmth, like he trusts Castiel to tell him what's wrong.

So he does.

 

Balthazar is not Dean's biggest fan, far from it. In fact, Castiel knows they had a few fights, and he knows Balthazar isn't thrilled to know they are still together, trying to mend their relationship, trying to make things work, as Sam would say.

 

"Do you really believe he's having a hard time ?" Castiel just nods, because he's worried. He is, and he knows Balthazar can see it, too. "Then tell him to come here."

Castiel feels his eyes widen, and he hears the surprise sound coming from Gabriel. 

 

It takes a few minutes for Dean to answer. When he does, he sounds exhausted. "Well, I was leaving anyway." His voice sounds hoarse. "I just need to sleep, honestly, so no need to ..."

"Balthazar is actually the one who invited you."

 

That's all it takes for Dean to stop, and mumbles his answer.

 

When Castiel walks in to the kitchen, the kitchen is bare of all the wine bottles, and he can see all the tall glasses on the counter, ready to be put away. Gabriel looks properly chastised, and now in charge of the onion chopping. 

Balthazar looks as calm and composed as before sipping from his own mug of juice.

 

"Is your boyfriend coming ?" 

Castiel nods, and smiles at Balthazar, hugging him for behind, resting his cheek on his back. He goes on a rant, over how he'll make up from the lack of wine in the sauce with a rich beef reduction. 

Castiel remembers being obsessed with Balthazar, and being incapable of properly dealing with the feeling of despair when he had felt like he was losing him. Now he knows better. He knows that while they weren't meant to be together, Balthazar is and always will be one of the most important parts of his heart.

 

Dean arrives a few hours later. He looks uneasy, fidgety, and he starts to vent about the road, and the drive, and everything, really, avoiding Castiel's eyes.

Balthazar, always the perfect host, takes care of his bag and guides him to the couch, handing him one of the blankets, warm from the fire nearby. 

"I'll put your bag in Cas' room, and I'll let you decide if you guys are sharing or not." He grabs his mug and smiles at Dean, a real smile, not the fake smirk he's usually sporting when talking to the other man. "We're all having mulled apple juice. Do you want some ?"

 

Dean relaxes slowly, sipping at his warm cup, his fingers firmly gripping Castiel's own. When they are finally ready to eat, he's actually laughing with Gabriel, almost looking like himself.

 

"Your brother apologized." Dean is sitting on the bed, his hair a mess after his shower, his body soft and pliant. "He said he wasn't happy about me coming over, but he got that I needed to get away."

"I'm glad." Castiel knows Gabriel is a good man.

"I get it, you know ? " Dean searches for his eyes, Castiel still putting lotion on his skin in the en suite bathroom. "If Sammy was dating a nutcase like me, I wouldn't be happy about it."

"You're not... that." Castiel shakes his head. "You needed help, and that's okay. We all need help, sometimes."

 

Dean boxes his pillow the perfect shape, and turns to face Castiel, in the dark.

"Balthazar is a great guy." 

"He is. I hope you can be friends, one day. " Dean traces the bridge of his nose with his fingers, and it makes Castiel smile. "You both are very important to me."

"I guess." Dean kisses the top of his nose. "I guess."

 

It's weird, sleeping with Dean in Balthazar's guest room. It's weird not sleeping in Balthazar's huge room anymore, watching the garden from the tall windows. It's weird not having his whole family around, not going to church holding Gabriel's hand.

 

But when Castiel wakes up, and finds his three favorite peoples drinking coffee in peaceful silence, watching the fireplace, Castiel knows they all are loved, happy, and safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !! If you liked it, please please leave me a kudos and a comment, it means a LOT (I mean this story is here thanks to the wonderful people who asked for it over the months).
> 
> You can find it (and me) on tumblr :
> 
>  http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/154938187424/mulled-apple-juice
> 
> Please take good care of yourself during this season. Drink enough water, sleep if you can, eat regularly and surround yourself with what makes you happy. If you're not in a great pleace right now, I really understand, and I hope fictional characters can help you cope until better days. Please take care, and remember you are valid, no matter what.


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